Eyes of Eden

I highlighted the things I would change in a bold font. November, and the leaves start to fall Still it already feels like winter Stand here, remembering How you always ...

Last installment of Chapter One! Enjoy! :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “ Amy my dear, I can’t keep up this charade any longer .” The T.V screen seemed like a beacon of radiance ...

Last installment of Chapter One! Enjoy! :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “ Amy my dear, I can’t keep up this charade any longer .” The T.V screen seemed like a beacon of radiance ...

Heis part two of Chapter One Enjoy! :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Your father would be so proud of you, dear” The fresh new car smell permeated the air inside the blue Chrysler ...

Here is part two of Chapter One... Here you get a little more background information, and perhaps the key to her father's past? Enjoy! :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Your father would be ...

You do a good job with those stray actions that really don't mean anything, without going overboard. It really puts me in the story like I'm really there. However in ...

Not bad... Not bad at all. You have good dialouge skills, decent character chemistry, and a gift in character naming. One thing, you may want to work on is your ...

There are just some parts of this that seem a bit awkward to me, but an outside opinion would really help! Chapter one, part one ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER ONE GRADUA

It's definitely not as good as "Eye's of the Empire" but it's not nescessarily bad! I like the ending line, but the message was just a little TOO clear for ...

WOW!! TALK ABOUT GETTING INSIDE THE CHARACTER'S HEAD! There's one thing I love and it's when characters do small things that make such a big impact. That last sentence just ...

It's like a peom in song form. It's really heartfelt. You did a good job with it, especially with the metaphors and similies

It's a good start Just remember that plot twists make or break a story. You've got a great beggining here that has real potential. The one thing you need to ...

Hmmm. Intriguing! I really liked the parts where you said, "I've seen... But these are..." It was great way to put what you see into perspective and you put right ...

Very good! It's exciting and keeps the reader reading the whole way through. You had a way of creating imagery without making it too descriptive. I also liked the way ...

There are just some parts of this that seem a bit awkward to me, but an outside opinion would really help! :D Chapter one, part one ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER ONE GRA